Lord of the Equation
by Sabriel J
Summary: Warning: this is a rip off! Read my twisted version were the danger of the ring, now the Equation.Maths is evil! Yes, I was on the after affects of too much sugar and a very, very boring math lessson. So enjoy...
1. Prologue

Ok, note this is my first fanfic. this idea came in the middle of a very, _very, _boring math lesson. so enjoy. and yes it is a rip off.)

Disclaimer:I don't own Lord of the Rings; i never will. ( but if i did, Legolas is mine: book or movie. i don't mind;)

* * *

There is one Equation,

That was made in a study.

It will balance everything,

And in Math bind them.

Long ago, in the fires of Mount Teacher in the Kingdom of Algebra, in the study of numbers, an equation was made. It took hundreds of mathematicians to calculate but it claimed thousands of mathematicians' lives before it even made sense. What was attempted was near impossible; an equation so complicated; it was dangerous. This equation would imprison all whom read it to do math forever! And this is where the story begins…

The kingdoms around the Kingdom of Algebra were against this equation. Even as it was developed the Gamers, Couch Potatoes, Words, Movies, Sports and the Artists joined together to steal and destroy the one Equation. These races that fought each other combined.

The final battle was fought on the Plains of Polynomials. In one corner we had the Radicals, Fractions, Whole and Natural numbers. In the other corner we had the Sports, Movies, Gamers and Couch Potatoes of the Empire of Fun. Joined with the Empire of Fun were the Verbs, Adjectives, Nouns and Words of the English Realm.

With weapons of numbers, equipment, joysticks, keyboards, dictionaries, movies and soapies they fought for the fate of the future.

Dictionaries went flying, sums captured; surfboard shields and hockey swords clashed against pencil swords and math books.

Then it happened. The King of Algebra, Lord Variable, stepped into the fight. He wielded the complete Equation. Thousands of rebels and races died by his homework. It seemed that life would be math. That was when Anglais, son of Eng-lish, Prince of the English Realm used his skills of the dictionary and the pen to cut-off Lord Variable's hands. The equation fell and the math book closed. The Empire of Fun and the English Realm had won!

After the battle the English Realm claimed the math book with the equation in it. Instead of destroying it; he kept it for himself as a family heirloom as well as his empty pen. But was evil; and evil attracts evil to do evil which makes evil.

Anglais was murdered, and the Equation lost. Time then did what it does best. It buried the Equation and over the years it was forgotten. Life moved on and everyone but the eternal Movies forgot. Alliances were broken and the Line of Anglais was lost. But life moved on.

* * *

OK, end os first chappie. did you like it? enjoy it? love it? or am i an excuse for a writer like my :ahem: "_my friends" :ahem: say? please review!_

Sabriel Singh


	2. Bilbo, err, Bobby!

Disclaimer: i don't own this, and i don't own that. so what in the world makes you think that i own Lord of the Rings?

note: i chirp off teens here and i am one. so don't take offense. inspired by a friend.( he does everything he told NOT to do)

so enjoy...

* * *

There was a little Net Clan in the Empire of Fun. These gamers were different; they were online gamers. Quiet and very isolated they lived their lives. Sometimes their normality was interrupted by Matrix, an eternal Movie who was also a mage. He visited the Promisances at Promise Lane.

Bobby Promisance was a friend of Matrix. They went on an adventure way back then. But no one in Net Clan mentioned it because it was abnormal. Bobby had a nephew, who also his heir, R1pp3r.

Bobby had unknowingly won the math book with the Equation inside while gambling on his adventure. He never consciously knew it but he was consistently drawn to it. It sometimes trapped his mind in a complex sum but because it was never opened it could not completely take over his mind.

It was on his 70th birthday, bobby left to the cinemas. He always wanted to revisit them after his adventure. He left with the thoughts of relaxing and spending his last days in the most beautiful place he ever saw. But at the back of his mind the Equation was there. It was only thanks to the characteristic of gamers to hate math that kept him safe and out of it's reach. But now, R1pp3r inherited everything of Bobby's, including the math book…

As all young teenagers are, they don't usually take advice given to them. Be it good advice, be it bad advice, they listen to neither. So naturally, when Matrix told him to leave the math book alone. What did R1pp3r do? The math book immediately intrigued him.

He found soon afterwards that trying to read the book gave him foul headaches like those from doing too much homework. This discouraged him from any further pursue of the book. Learn form pain. But somehow the math book was always in the back of his mind. No one knew of his silent headache.

* * *

ok, not as funny as the first. i was getting bored and now i'm stuck. any ideas please?

shot, dot,

Sabriel


	3. R1pp3r, D1ngd0ng, Fr3d and Ge0rge!

Hey, here's the 3rd chappie! PLZ yell if this is starting to overkill the rip-off. We all have different tolerance levels. So holler back, will ya?

Authoresses Note: (I am a chick, people!)

Bobby Bilbo

Matrix Gandalf

R1pp3r Frodo

Movies Elves

Lord Coefficient Saruman

Tolkien Aragon

Titanic Elrond

Sam D1ngd0ng

Merry and Pipin Fr3d and Ge0rG3

You guys get the picture, right?

Disclaimer:

The road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it begans.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with weary feet,

Until it joins something larger way,

Where many paths and errands meet,

And whither then? I can't say.

Lord of the Ring: the Fellowship of the Ring

JRR Tolkien

Just like I didn't write that poem, just like how I didn't write LOTR, just like that, get it through your heads that I don't own Lord of the Ring!

* * *

**Meanwhile in AMISA…**(AMISA is a math competition and here it's Isengaurd.)

"HOW DARE YOU, FOOL! All the answers are wrong! Now give us the information we want or I'll give you more math problems AND you'll have to redo those! NOW SPEAK!" commanded Lord Coefficient.

" Please! No more! We will speak! A stupid little net clan took it! His name was Promisance! His name was Promisance! He took the precious. The textbook! No more maths, please, we beg. No more maths," yelled the deformed creature.

"FIND HIM NOW!" ordered Lord Coefficient. " I must have it!"

With that the Nine Angles left in search of Promisance…

R1pp3r was sitting in his lounge and drinking his daily bottle of Cocola, (don't own it either) when Matrix arrived. Okay, I wouldn't say arrived exactly. More of a break down the door and rushed in.

"Quick! Pack a light backpack! You have to go to the Cinemas quickly. Start packing and I'll explain. Don't forget to pack the, the…" ordered Matrix.

"Textbook?"

"No, no. The sugar cookies. You know the ones with the chocolate sprinkles," said Matrix.

"What's the rush, Matrix? Why do I have to go? I'm on the 10th level of WarCraft 3!" (Don't own that either) asked Ripp3r as he packed the sugar cookies.

"We- I mean you- is in grave danger. They are coming. They are searching for Promisance! The Nine Angles are after you," said Matrix gravely.

"Who, what where?" asked the confused r1pp3r.

"The textbook you have contains the one Equation. The one the Dark Lord used and now wants back."

"Voldemort?'

"NO! Wrong book. Lord Variable of the dark Kingdom of Algebra."

"Oh, and who are the Nine Angles?"

"Elite mathematical problems that even the Movies can't understand and solve. You are in grave, grave danger."

"NO! This is very, very bad!" cried r1pp3r.

"Huh?" asked Matrix, with crumbs on his beard, "No, it's not. They aren't after me. And don't even think about giving the textbook to me!"

"What must I do then Matrix?" asked the now desperate r1pp3r

"You must go the Chatroom. There is a pub there called Mxit. Find the one there that has no life of his own. He will join you. His name is Tolien; he is a master of the sword. Ask him his birthright and he will tell you of Anglais. From there you will follow his command; just like a slave. But you won't be going alone; D1ngd0ng here will join you for eavesdropping," concluded Matrix as he opened the door. D1ngd0ng fell into the room.

* * *

And this is where the adventure begins. Or did begin when Bobby won the textbook or Matrix finished his third cookie?

Later that very night, r1pp3r left Promisance Lane with D1ngd0ng brings up the rear, literally. While traveling through the cabbage field they encounter Fr3d and Ge0rg3. They spent all their money at the Internet Café (don't own one or it; but wish I did…) and were stealing cabbages and carrots from the field. After a nasty encounter with guard dogs they quartet set off down the main road.

It was now that they had their first encounter with one of the Nine Angles. They heard hooves and hid. Scared of what was traveling this late and of the fear they were feeling. This almost drove r1pp3r into opening the textbook to find a way to solve these complex problems. He was stopped by D1ngd0ng. The other were dense but near death encounters can cause even the most dense to comprehend the situation. After sugar cookies and lots explaining, Fr3d and Ge0rg3 decided to come along as well. Thus set out the four, well, who wished they were, heroes.

The next night they arrived in Chatroom. It was a town not too far away. After passing the gateman who looked at them at if they could be mass murderers, they made their way to the pub. The pub was by the exit gate and was run down so such an extent that the group feared there wouldn't be any Internet connection. Inside, after ordering a side of Cocola and cyber cookies, (all the sugar were eaten.) they began to look around for the one who has no life.

* * *

That's all for to day! I've got to think of something funny for there meeting of "Tolkien"! Hehe. Someone yell if I'm pushing it now. I'm thinking of calling Arwen Rowling! )

Ya all gotta yell back now or I'm ain't gonna write.

SO REVIEW ALREADY!

The sweet little sugar-high angel,

(Shut it Cuz. He helped too.)

Her name: Sabriel.

( IDIOT! Excuse him. he's even crazier than me!)

till next time, aidu.

**PLZ: check my profile for an important message.!**


	4. NO! notnotnot coffee!

Hey guys! Me again.

Okay, first questions!

The Equation is like the ring. It calls on the user to use it. You see in my world of LOTR math is also used as a weapon. (Just go with it plz.) it can also capture the user's mind. You know when you're trying to figure out this maths problem and you just can't get it and it bugs you. It's like always at the back of your mind. Like that.

No, I don't hate math, just my, well now old, teacher. She couldn't teach and she made the whole grade come for extra lessons before and after school. So I don't mean to insult anyone or math itself. This was a whim.

NOTE: I've recapped a bit. I didn't like how it the last chapter ended. So bear with me please.

I think I'm finally losing it. I dreamt I already wrote this and the next day I turn on my computer and only the first paragraph is written! So excuse this story because it's authoress has finally lost it!

Diablo: you haven't lost it. You never had it!

Sabriel: shut it cuz! You helped with this story too, remember!

Diablo: yeah! And don't you forget it!

Sabriel: doesn't that make you mad too? (I'm really confused now. must run in my dad's side of the family...)

Diablo:(confused) never mind! Get on with it.

Sabriel: OK! Geez, I DON'T OWN LORD OF THE RING and I never will. There!

Diablo: read the rest!

Sabriel: (looks at paper and reads) Diablo is the best and I am nothing. I am no lady just a screwed up...? What?

Diablo: (GRINS)

Sabriel: 5 seconds...

Diablo: (grin fades)

Sabriel: 4...

Diablo: come on! I didn't mean it!

Sabriel: 3...

Diablo: geez it was a joke!

Sabriel: 2... u gonna look like the other guy I beat up for saying "where lady?" when my friend said ladies first...

Diablo: sh-t!

Sabriel: some things you don't joke about and some things you do. That was not one of them! 1...

Diablo: (starts running very, very fast.)

Sabriel: 0... that takes care of that idiot. Now on with the show!

* * *

The inside of Mxit was stuffy, warm and really out of date but it had an air of comfort and, well, history. The walls were covered in pictures of extreme gamers and champions of the old tournaments.

The young group of travellers were tired, so tired that Fr3d and Ge0rg3 were standing and sleeping against each other. Fr3d was drooling on his friend's head.

The other two took a table. Yup, those two were still asleep leaning against each other by the door. They ordered another round of Coke (don't own it.) after they looked at the menu in disgust. This place had coffee! That was terrible. Do these people know what coffee does to the keyboard when it's spilt? That with a side of fries.

After their meal, R1pp3r and D1ngd0ng took notice of their surroundings. Well, more of the people. The place was reasonably full and the computers looked like something their grandfather's would use. It was here that they took their first look at the world outside their home. You see, Net Clans don't get out mach. They sit at home and they play on the Internet. They don't meet people or talk face to face. It's all msn-ing. Rather sad, but they live like that. So you must understand how hard it was for them when a complete stranger came up to them and started a conversation.

"So, you two are from the Net Clan? Cool, so what do you guys play. I heard you don't out much so what games are so addicting that you would rather sit and play then go outside. Go on, share the secret. Here, let me buy you a round of coffee. This place sells the best stuff in the whole, game ridden Empire." Blabbed on and on the stranger. Our two friends just stared at him, rather scared. You see, he was a rather large man with a sword. Usually, they only saw those in their games, not in real life.

"th-thanks but no thanks. We don't drink coffee." Stammered a scared R1pp3r.

'They are computer gamers. Do you know what coffee does to a keyboard?" said a high-pitched squeak.

Everyone turned. There was a man, tall and by the looks of it strong. He spoke again: "leave them be. They don't get out much."

Everyone stared. Yup, it was him who spoke but the voice didn't sound like it was his. He looked like a man with a deep voice; instead he spoke like a chipmunk. High-pitched and squeaky.

The crowd dispersed. All laughing among themselves but none foolish enough to laugh in his face.

"Well, you must be R1pp3r. Matrix told me to meet you and your friends here. I am Tolkien."

R1pp3r and D1ngD0ng, simply nodded. If they opened their mouths they knew they would laugh till it hurt so bad that they would cry.

After a few minutes, R1pp3r regained his composure. He questioned Tolkien on his identity. The last thing he needed right now was to be lead by an enemy to the bad guy. What he needed now was an Internet connection so he could make sure no one was slowly destroying his empire on his account on his game.

"Matrix asked us to ask you this then: what is your birthright and why the hell are you called the man with no life?"

Tolkien explained that he was an heir of Anglais. He was also called the man with no life because of an ancient prophecy. Of course, all these two heard was Anglais and they said that he was the guy.

They decided to go down the lane to a better Internet connection and to discuss their plan there on. Though, all R1pp3r had on his mind was his game. They walked passed the other two, still asleep on their feet and out the door.

It was hours later when they finally exited the café, did they realise something was wrong. You see, they walked back the way they came and when they face the pub, it was no more. Only the front part, i.e. the door, was still there. The rest of the pub was gone, like blown up gone.

This made Tolkien even more agitated than before. First he had to try and get these guys to listen to him, and then people laughed and stared at him because of his voice and now this!

"We have to go, now!" he ordered.

The other two just nodded. They gathered their stuff together. Now if you are wondering what became of Fr3d and Ge0rg3, no they didn't die. Just before the trio set off, R1pp3r went and woke up the two who were still asleep against the door. Somehow they survived the explosion and slept on.

All Tolkien could think of when they explained all this to him, and who these guys were, was: I hope have that kind of luck in the lottery!

* * *

Like I said, it was a whim, so people please review. I need to know if I'm over the top or what. Plus, can you plz comment on whether or not I should stick to the original story and rip that off or change it and rip that off?

Diablo: I'm confused again.

Sabriel: when did you get back?

Diablo: just after you were asking these nice people to review.

Sabriel: oh, okay. Tell me if I'm crazy but I think I should be mad at you or was that just a dream?

Diablo: it was probably just a dream.

Sabriel: oh, ok. So review people and ciao till next time.

Hehe, haha, giggles.


	5. Are we there yet?

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own anything! Lord of the Rings or any other thing mentioned here. Except, maybe, the hatred for a really bad math teacher that drove my insane to the point of writing this fic.

Sabriel: Sup people. Long time no see. Ducks flying objects

SORRY! But I couldn't think of anything funny to write in this fic. So ideas will be accepted with much appreciation!

Bobby Bilbo

Matrix Gandalf

r1pp3r Frodo

Movies Elves

Lord Coefficient Saruman

Tolkien Aragon

Titanic Elrond

D1ngd0ng Sam

Fr3d and Ge0rG3 Merry and Pipin

Rowling Arwen

* * *

Lord of the Equation 

"_We have to go, now!" he ordered._

The other two just nodded. They gathered their stuff together. Now if you are wondering what became of Fr3d and Ge0rg3, no they didn't die. Just before the trio set off, R1pp3r went and woke up the two who were still asleep against the door. Somehow they survived the explosion and slept on.

_All Tolkien could think of when they explained all this to him, and who these guys were, was: I hope have that kind of luck in the lottery!_

The odd group of people left Chatroom and walked along the highway. There were moments of silence then someone suddenly asked, "So… where are we going?"

The funny part was that no one answered. It was then chaos broke loose. D1ingD0ng thought Tolkien was leading. Tolkien thought r1pp3r was leading and he was following Tolkien. The twins were too busy playing on their Game Boys to even care.

It was finally decided that they would carry on the highway and pray that they ended up in a town. Fortunately for then, and Tolkien now confirms his theory that those two were the luckiest people in the world, that Fr3d walked into a sign on the road. The sign read…

"Cinema: 5000 steps this way…" and the dialog continued thus…

"Well, guess we are heading there now," said Tolkien, "Wait till you guys see the Cinemas, it's amazing, but don't stare at the Movies, there are sensitive about their ears. And never mention the Oscars around them!"

"That's cool, " said r1pp3r, " but how much further? I got to go the bathroom…"

Tolkien stopped in shock, his eyes popping out his sockets. His face mirrored amazement and shock. "…Bathroom? Uh-oh, I don't think that was in the blueprints for the sacred city of the Movies…"

The whole group stopped and stared at Tolkien. Silence.

Fr3d finally spoke, "OMG! That means….the Movies don't-" and he was stopped by Ge0rg3 clamping his hand over his brother's mouth.

"Sheesh man! Don't even go there!" he shuddered.

The gruesome thought caused the fellowship to be silent for quite some time…

The silence was broken once again by D1ngD0ng, "Are we there yet?"

Silence. He tried again. "Are we there yet?"

Only Tolkien answered for the others knew what was to come…

"No D1ngD0ng."

Two mintues later…

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"Are we there yet?"

"NO! You stupid D1ngD0ng!"

"Are we there yet?"

Silence… Tolkien popped a vein and squeaked. He dived at D1ngD0ng. There was a scuffle and Tolkien emerged with D1ngD0ng gagged with his hands tied up behind his back.

Silence continued as they walked on, till r1pp3r spoke up, "I'm tired, hey, let's pick one of that hill which has danger written all over it to rest!"

Fr3d exclaimed in horror, "r1pp3r! Are you insane! Has Matrix taught you nothing?"

Ge0rg3 piped in, "Yeah! How can you thing about rest without eating?"

So with rest and supper on their minds the group climbed the hill to the top and started to set up camp.

A growl sounded around the camp, and Tolkien asked sheepishly, "Where are the cookies with the chocolate sprinkles? Show me the cookies!!!""

D1ngD0ng got an evil look on his face and smirked. He takes out a single cookie. A perfectly golden browned, round cookie. Tolkien started to drool. He stepped forward to take the sugary treat. He as in disparate need of a sugar rush. D1ngD0ng laughed evilly and threw the cookie down the hill.

"NOOO! The cookie! The sugar!" Tolkien screamed and raced down after the item, while D1ngD0ng laughed manically…

R1pp3r sighed and complained to D1ngD0ng, "Why did you do that? Now who is going to start the fire?"

At this the tins emerged from the darkness, making the two jumped. "Never fear!" said Fr3d, "I learnt a survival technique back home. Ge0rg3, hold the match in position!"

Ge0rg3 held the match by Fr3d's butt and replied "ready!"

"Light it!" ordered Fr3d and his twin did just as he said. And with a mighty "EESH!" Fr3d farted. The gas fueled the flame that lit the dry sticks Tolkien had collected.

"Wow, neat trick. Came I try next time?" asked r1pp3r.

The twins nodded and sat down by the fire. D1ngD0ng sat down and took out the cookies and they ate happily. R1pp3r sat down to eat after he pulled out an item from his pack. After they finished their sugary snack, they sat in silence. Then r1pp3r showed them what he had brought: a guitar.

They were shocked; no one knew he could play music! So seated, they waited with wide eyes for a display of skill from r1pp3r.

He took his guitar in his hands and was lost in thought. Silence, and then in the distance they heard cursing and screams of frustration. Tolkien was still scrambling in the dark for the cookie. Everyone wondered why he just didn't take another…

R1pp3r played a song that got smiles out of the band of merry gamers. It was…

* * *

I can't tell you the song just yet because my friend has the lyrics…. Sorry! Again, this was written by my cousin Diablo and me. (The farting joke was his idea!)

_Don't own anything, just my soul and my mind…_

_Thanks, SJ. _


	6. chapterum i forget

Disclaimer: I own none of it. NOTHING! Happy now? (sob)

Note: The original song was one my friends made up in a moment of insanity and musical genius about world of warcraft. Sadly, the idiot lost it. So I had to pick another song. Sigh… oh well.

* * *

**Chapter…um? I forget….**

_Last time:_

_They were shocked; no one knew he could play music! So seated, they waited with wide eyes for a display of skill from [r1pp3r. _

_He took his guitar in his hands and was lost in thought. Silence, and then in the distance they heard cursing and screams of frustration. Tolkien was still scrambling in the dark for the cookie. Everyone wondered why he just didn't take __another__…_

_[R1pp3r played a song that got smiles out of the band of merry gamers. It was…_

This Time:

The guitar strings' echoed about the mountains. It would have been hauntingly scary if it weren't for the song…

"I hate you, you hate me!

Let's all go and kill Barney.

With a baseball bat and AK47.

No more stinking dinosaur!"

Oh yes, that was a favourite of the gamers. That show insulted their intelligence. And not to mention that damn dinosaur was just plain annoying! So after the amazing singing of [R1pp3rt the group retired to bed. They inflated their inflatable mattresses and went to sleep.

Tolkien finally found the cookie by sheer luck. It really didn't matter to him that it was way past the 5-second rule. He ate it anyway and went to bed too. All thoughts put away and all worries forgotten. He had a cookie after all.

The shadows around the camp moved and whispered. It was there. Yes it was. Their master wanted it and it was there. Their whispers broke the silence of the camp and echoed around the mountains. Finally, fed up with the noise[R1pp3r got up and yelled, "Would you just shut up! Come back in the morning at a reasonable time, damn it!" and promptly threw some cookies over the hill. The shadows, seeing the precious cookies sailing past them, left in chase. Everyone loved cookies.

The rest of the night was silent and so on slept the heroes. Dawn broke the night sky and still they slept. Breakfast time and went and still they slept. Finally, nearing lunchtime, they awoke. Bright eyed and well rested.

After getting up and getting ready and a huge breakfast, the group stopped to gather their bearings. It was the unspoken leader who spoke, "We need to get to Cinema," said Tolkien. The group nodded in agreement.

"Well, how are we going to get there?" asked D1ngD0ng.

"Simple. I thought of walking because of the new hike in oil prices caused petrol to be so much more expensive. And the fact that my car is in for a service," came his reply.

The group raised an eyebrow at his statement. One, he said they had to walk, two he owned a car, three he spoke finances to a gamer… He sighed at them and continued.

"I e-mailed a friend who is going to give us a left." Smiles greeted this statement.

"How though? You don't have a computer on you. We would know," came Fr3d's voice, full of curiosity.

Tolkien smiled and held out a palm top. "May I present the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Everything you need in one gadget on how to survive on the road. Cool hey?"

Their faces held expressions of amazement. While they waited, they ignored the sounds of warning, of danger approaching and of screams of terror as they discussed the features of the amazing device.

"Wow!" said [R1pp3r amazed, "That's so cool! I wish I had one of those! Where did you get it from?"

At this, Tolkien blushed, and muttered something under his breath. No one caught it. But before they could question it, a limo pulled up on the road. An elf got out and immediately latched herself onto the considerably short Tolkien.

"Tolky! I've missed you so much! Did you miss me?" she asked.

Sighing and chocking, Tolkien mutely nodded, his face turning an interesting shade of blue. When she finally let go of him but held his hand in a death grip, she turned to the group.

"Hi, I'm Rowling, princess of Cinema. Come on; get in the limo, we can chat of the way there. It's quite a long drive. "

So they all clamored in and the limo took off, leaving the Angles chasing after. Too bad their boss was old fashioned and made them ride horses. They could not catch up with the limo as it sped off.

The Tan Angle turned to the Sin Angle, saying, "I told him last time, it's your turn to report. Poor Sin merely gulped and nodded.

* * *

There you go!

SJ


End file.
